BUSHELL ON THE BLOG
Sept 19. My old friend Antonella Lazzeri spent the night in a haunted jail for today’s Sun. That must have been terrifying. For the ghosts.
Sept 18. There is a story in today’s paper about a SAS groupie unkindly known as “The Horse” because so many troops have enjoyed a ride. There must be a motto for this. Who Dares Whinnies?
Sept 16. Random irritations: George Osborne’s attempted return, the least welcome come-back since herpes. Our obsession with pointless, expensive public inquiries. Kid-gloves punishments for idiots who text when they drive. The new London Bridge station lay-out turning the once simple task of disembarking the train and crossing the river into what feels like a five mile hike. The posh white eco-toffs who disrupted family holidays and business flights getting off with conditional discharges. I suppose sentencing them to breaking rocks in the hot sun would only have inflated their own romantic/ridiculous rebel self-image.
With Diane James as new UKIP leader, women are now at the helm of five British political parties. All of the main ones then except Labour and the Lib-Dims who haven’t even got a female MP. So much for the ‘progressive’ left.
Sept 14. I was coerced into taking my youngest to a special tenth anniversary screening of High School Musical tonight. I was expecting the dullest couple of hours since I last watched Charlton play. I was wrong. The Electric Cinema in Notting Hill was a joy, and the made-for-TV film delivered in a kid-pleasing Disney does Grease way. You can see why it’s an international phenomenon. It’s upbeat, it’s fun, it celebrates teenage innocence... a little bit different from my formative years, fermenting dissent, marching to Aldermaston and playing Manic Depression as loudly and often as possible.
Sept 13. How many more plastic fivers will TV news bods try and destroy? Seriously, nobody gives a monkey’s toss.
Text of the Day: Don’t panic, Bake Off can’t leave the BBC until Theresa May triggers Arctic Roll 50.
Sept 12. Hard on the heels of Jeremy Corbyn wanting to curb after-work drinking, Owen Smith said yesterday that he’s keen on ignoring the Brexit vote, adopting the Euro and joining Schengen. Way to win over the working class, chaps... This leadership clash has all the must-see thrill of Sunderland’s performance against Everton.
Can we have a moratorium on people claiming not to understand what “Brexit means Brexit” means? It’s obvious what May wants it to mean: that the British people’s vote to leave the EU will be honoured and Britain will leave the EU. The question is why say it and not do it? Why are we waiting?
Sept 11. A day we'll always remember New York and its tough resilient people. Like Londoners, they have a spirit that can't be crushed.
Kell 'Special K' Brook gave it his best shot last night but he was never going to stop Golovkin. He's a smart, plucky boxer but Brook isn't a middleweight and he just wasn't strong enough to topple the Triple G. The miner's son from Kazakhstan has an iron chin. This was Golovkin's 17th world title bout and his 17th win. Pound for pound, he is the best in the world right now. It's hard to see who can beat him, but it's surely time for Billie Joe Saunders to have a go.
This week's random irritations: the Labour Party calling it completely wrong on grammar schools – a tremendous tool for social mobility, and consequently for working class kids (the ones they're supposed to stand for). The continued use of the ridiculous and insulting term "honour killing" for misogynist murders. The curse of 9/11 conspiracy theorists. The kid glove sentence dished out to Anjem Choudary; he's tending fruit trees inside according to today's Daily Star Sunday. He should be hanging from one.
Sept 8. R.I.P. Prince Buster. The Jamaican Ska legend who gave the world 'Madness' and 'One Step Beyond' has sadly died today aged 78. Born in Orange Street, Kingston, Cecil Bustamente Campbell earned his nickname in the boxing ring – he was trained by Sid Brown, the middleweight champion of Jamaica – but became a champ in another field, the music business first as a producer and then a performer. Prince Buster had his first British hit in 1965 with 'Al Capone', the song resurrected by the Specials on their debut single 'Gangsters'. (TV twerps always claim Bob Marley was the first reggae star to reach Britain, Buster did it ten years before – he was on Ready Steady Go in '64, as was Millie Small). My old mate, the former bouncer (and wrestler) Alex Hughes acquired his stage name from his song 'Judge Dread'. Madness took their name from a Prince Buster single too and eulogised him on their debut 45, 'The Prince' – 'Buster he sold the heat, with a rocksteady beat... ' If there's a message from Prince Buster's passing it can be found in another of his splendid songs: 'Enjoy yourself, it's later than you think... '
Sept 4. Demonstrate outside Parliament for Brexit tomorrow. Say NO to a second referendum and YES to triggering Article 50. Details here.
Sept 1. Will the Corbyn debacle mean the end of the Labour Party? It doesn't seem possible but it certainly is. The Whigs – currently featured in ITV's series Victoria – were once the dominant force in British government. They passed the Great Reform Act of 1832 and abolished slavery throughout the Empire. Yet millions of modern voters know nothing about them. Today's Labour Party looks in danger of consigning itself to history's dustbin too. Bizarrely the leadership contest is between life-long 'Marxist' Jeremy Corbyn and Sgt Bilko lookalike Owen Smith, formerly a lobbyist for the pharmaceutical industry, who claims to be just as far-Left as Hezbollah-loving Jezza but in some indefinable way more voter-friendly. The old reformist Labour Party, the electable one that was more wedded to Methodism than Marxism, has not got a horse in the race. The comrades have forgotten that Labour's most successful Prime Minister was the moderate Clement Atlee, a former major in the South Lancashire regiment whose 1945 government created the welfare state, built houses and created jobs for our war-time servicemen, and made free healthcare a right. The Corbynistas would no doubt piddle on Atlee's grave for commissioning Britain's A bomb and helping to create NATO.
Corbyn will win of course. He'll face open revolt from his MPs, who his followers are already plotting to deselect, and he will lead Labour to a crushing electoral defeat. Out of that disaster we can probably expect a complete realignment on the Left. Labour/Momentum will morph into a new far-Left alliance. Corbyn's rallies are already infiltrated by the extra-Parliamentary Left, failed Trotskyist factions like the SWP, the Socialist Party and the Alliance for Workers' Liberty (although of course Antonio Gramsci's followers have proved more effective). He's also appealing to more (many more) who would naturally have voted Green. This new Red/Green movement seems mostly middle class, over-reliant on teachers, students, social workers and other public employees and thoroughly wedded to policies that are either unpopular or unworkable. This development would in turn, I'd imagine, result in the birth of a new centre-Left coalition involving the bulk of the Parliamentary Labour Party and elements of the Lib Dims. If they're sensible they will heed working class concerns and rejects the effete liberalism that currently passes as left-wing thought (don't punish crime, do punish enterprise, don't control borders, do control thoughts, don't heed the electorate on Brexit etc). This split would have happened already if it wasn't for the fate of the SDP. There was a time when many commentators believed that David Owen, Woy Jenkins and co were the future of politics. Few remember the SDP now. They've gone the way of the Sinclair C5 and the Amstrad Emailer. In politics, as in life, nothing lasts forever.
If Labour and/or its future spin-offs fail to reconnect with the working class, they'll leave the door dangerously open for a rightwing populist party wedding old Labour economics to nationalist, anti-immigrant rhetoric to colonise their electorate. All it needs is one bright, charismatic leader. Mosley's British Union of Fascists once packed out Olympia and won 25per cent of the vote in many wards. It took the war to derail their momentum. There isn't a Mosley out there now but there could be.
Elsewhere Theresa May's Tories will dominant domestic politics for this rest of this decade, but given her baffling passion for state intervention and equality audits, I'd expect to see a new libertarian force emerge, dedicated to low tax, small government and the free market. This could involve elements of UKIP unhappy with the confusing path their party is treading. A near-libertarian approach worked for Hong Kong and has done for the US economy in the past (although worryingly both Clinton and Trump have bought in to poisonous protectionist nonsense that will kill growth and grow the deficit). If British libertarians are sensible they'll take a more intelligent approach to immigration than a knee-jerk blanket ban. They might look and learn from Singapore's experience. Maybe they'll call themselves Radical Whigs...
July 27. This blog is closed now until September. Cheerio.
July 23. I've just finished mastering the first ever Gonads Ska & skinhead reggae compilation. It's called All The Loon Stompers and we're all proud of it. Years ago, when the late great king of rude reggae Judge Dread first heard our 'Oi Mate' track, he told me "If the Gonads had sounded like this in 1980, you'd be bigger than Bad Manners". After listening to All The Loon Stompers I finally believe him. Thanks to all the splendid Ska and reggae stars who were guests on these songs, including Dave Barker of Dave & Ansell Collins fame, Jennie Bellestar, Nick 'King Hammond' Welsh, and the Skarettes; and also to my old song-writing buddy Clyde Ward, Liberty Hayes, Jack from P45, and rockabilly rebel Stief A'Billy. Big thanks also to Lars Frederiksen for suggesting the title. The 16-track album is due out in September.
July 22. The latest issue of Street Sounds is finally on sale. It's a Mod special featuring the Purple Hearts, the Spitfires and a host of new Mod bands, but it still has plenty of room for a Rebellion New Band Stage guide, a Punk & Disorderly over-view, an Aussie special including Rust and Sharpies and much more. Available in the best independent record shops, or fromhere.
Danny Baker will claim that 1966 to 1976 was Britain's rock and pop heyday on BBC4 tonight. It's a tough case to argue against what with the tail end of Mod, glam rock, heavy metal, the birth of punk and the Beatles going psychedelic on us. But let's try, because the next ten years, '76 to '86, were just as rich and varied. Off the top of my head, we had: The Jam, Elvis Costello, Ian Dury, Madness, punk rock, Adam Ant, the Smiths, 2-Tone, Oi!, Motorhead, New Order, new Mod, Def Leppard conquering the States, the Clash conquering the world, New Romantics, synth-pop nitwits and UFO in the charts, along with brilliant new metal bands like Iron Maiden. But '86 to '96 wasn't too shabby either: Oasis, Blur, the Stone Roses, Nirvana, Pulp, Manic Street Preachers, Guns N Roses, Radiohead (if you like that sort of thing) etc etc. Isn't the greatest decade always going to be whenever you were 15? P.S. What odds Danny won't mention Englebert?
July 21. If Owen Smith is "just as radical" as Jeremy Corbyn, why is he standing against him?
July 20. I've been taking my daughter to and from Peckham every day this week. There hasn't been a night yet when our journey hasn't been disrupted. We've had signal failures, cancellations and yesterday a sink hole, so I fully understand why support for renationalising the railways is growing. Botched rail privatisation has been an abysmal failure. And yet despite the comparative success of Transport for London I'm never convinced that public ownership and bureaucracy are the answer to any problem. Have we really forgotten how poxy the rolling stock was under British Rail?
Despite her tough talk, five will get you ten that Theresa May will turn out to be another paper tiger. On May's watch as Home Secretary, immigration rocketed up to 330,000 a year. Now her successor Amber Rudd suggests the government should completely scrap their targets for cutting immigration to more manageable figures. Hmm. If May sells voters out on this, and on the clear popular mandate to deliver Brexit – and she's doing all she can to delay triggering Article 50 – then the only beneficiaries will be the far Right because the squabbling Labour Party have their heads completely up their own backsides. Sore loser Labour MPs, including Owen Smith, are still pushing for a second EU referendum. Cowardly Corbyn abandoned his life-long opposition to Brussels with apparent ease. While Hilary Benn said last month that free movement was non-negotiable (to which the only sensible reply would be: hey Hils feel free to fuck off anytime you like.) On the ground, Labour activists continue to advocate failed Stalinist solutions: big state, high taxes, zero choice, suppressing free speech. They're so stuck in the 50s it's a wonder they're not campaigning for brown ale, spam and pigeon lofts. Where do they stand on fracking, driverless cars, biotech breakthroughs, the urgent need for new roads and houses and a new runway in the south east of England? If anyone knows they're not saying. Meanwhile, under the dubious guise of "the New Maggie", May is busy moving Tory tanks onto the Blairite middle ground. Don't expect her to do anything genuinely radical like scrapping HS2, dumping our disastrous "green" energy policies, or bringing in a flat tax system.
July 12. My ever ebullient webmistress says that whatever we think of the issues involved, British politics haven't been this exciting since Spitting Image was just a twinkle in Fluck & Law's eye. She's right. It's like we're living in House Of Cards. I trust May about as far as I could throw Eric Pickles so let's see how long it takes her to try and sell us down the river. UKIP have never looked more of a threat – to the Tories or the party formerly known as Labour.
STOP PRESS. The 6pm News reports that a brick has been chucked through the window of Angela Eagle's constituency office. This must be the kinder, gentler politics Jezza was banging on about last year. Ruth Davidson described Corbyn as a cross "between Norma Desmond and comical Ali" earlier today. I suspect Owen Smith, who's likely to join the Labour leadership race soon, will make the Labour leader look charismatic. Shame there's no-one of David Owen's calibre in the offing.
PS Ruth Davidson on the Tories: "We're already enjoying a post-coital cigarette having withdrawn our enormous Johnson... (pause)... Sorry, that's not even my speech, that's a text from Stephen Crabb".
July 11. Andrea Leadsom has been manoeuvred out of the Tory leadership race, handling the mantle of next British Prime Minister to Theresa May. We're witnessing a cleverly engineered establishment coup to reclaim the Party from its Brexit wing. To quell rebellions, grey May is being dressed up as the heir to Thatcher – just as John Mayor was, laughably, in 1990. Anyone who buys this line will be disappointed, but not as gutted as Labour moderates who were crying out for a strong champion to challenge Corbyn and look likely to be lumbered with hectoring lightweight Eagle, of Britain's Got Talons but no talent fame. Hilariously Angela's big press conference today was as deserted as Jezza's parliamentary fan club AGM.
July 9. The spin machine is heavily at work over Andrea Leadsom's motherhood quote. The media coverage suggests that Leadsom cynically raised the issue to have a pop at childless Theresa May. The Times political reporter Rachel Sylvester said as much herself earlier today. Yet the audio tape released by The Times has Sylvester asking Leadsom: "Does your family inform your politics? Do you think motherhood – I thought it was very interesting during the debates you several times said, 'as a mum'. Do you feel like a mum in politics?" She clearly raised the issue herself. As ever, truth is twisted to create fake outrage...
July 8. I haven't got a dog in the Tory leadership fight (or Labour's come to that), but it seems incredible that Theresa May is being rolled out as "the new Thatcher" when the woman is so gutless she spent the entire Referendum campaign cowering in her fox hole. May is the Continuity Cameron candidate, the More-Of-This-Crap choice. She is not an "Iron Lady", or if she is it's one that's consumed with rust. I've known ironing ladies with more backbone. It remains to be seen if the even less inspiring Angela Eagle will take on Comrade Corbyn, but she's hardly leadership material. Even Labour MPs know her as "the lesser of two Eagles". The odds on Labour splitting into two different parties, a social democratic one and an old school Marxist one, are shortening. But could either relate to modern voters?
Whoever the next Prime Minister is must invoke Article 50 of the Lisbon Treaty immediately (the petition is here), make Brexit as efficient and friendly as possible, start negotiating trade deals with the world, make a sharp decision about Heathrow expansion and get shot of that politicised clown Mark Carney.
July 6. The Chilcot enquiry took seven years, cost £10m and comes in at a staggering 2.6m words. I'll sum it up in seven words for nothing: Blair lied, untold thousands died, disaster ensued.
No weapons of mass destruction were ever targeted at London by Saddam Hussein; no WMD were even discovered in Iraq. Saddam had eff all to do with 9/11, but Bush and Blair steamed straight in without exhausting other options and without a long-term plan. We won the war but lost the peace. The Allies had not thought through how to stabilise the country, and as a consequence the Middle East is a far more dangerous place than it was. (It's estimated that more than half of Islamic State's top commanders are ex Iraq military). British forces were deployed, with a loss of 173 servicemen and six servicewomen; they were shockingly ill-equipped. Many of these pointless casualties were due to US military incompetence. We accept deaths of our forces in a just cause, but Iraq wasn't just needless it was counter-productive too. And yet Blair still won't accept he did anything wrong. It's a disgrace that this bare-faced conman is still taken seriously by anyone.
July 3. Len McCluskey just called Corbyn a "man of steel" on BBC News. Surely a bloke as sharp as Red Len would know that Stalin means man of steel in Russian? And surely anyone not blinded by dogma would see that Corbyn is actually a man of straw who can neither lead nor inspire, an inflexible buffoon with the oratorical skills of a shop window dummy.
July 2. How sad to hear that Caroline Aherne has died aged just 52. She was one of the funniest, sharpest comedians I’ve ever worked with. Caroline was hugely bright, with a wicked wit – as guests on the Mrs Merton Show quickly discovered. Everyone recalls her famous question to Debbie McGee: “What was it that first attracted you to the millionaire Paul Daniels?” But other celebs got it just as tough on the spoof BBC chat-show. As Merton, Caroline asked feminist Germaine Greer: “You were a right old slapper in the 70s weren’t you?” And bravely reminded boxer Chris Eubank that he’d lost his last two fights. When he went quiet she said: “Oh Come on Chris, it’s a chat show... You’re going to punch me aren’t you?!” Her loaded questions included “Does your wife like Supermarket Sweep, Dale Winton?”, “Were you breast-fed Carol Thatcher?” and “George Best, was it playing all that football that made you so thirsty?”
Only Mrs Merton would have dared to tell Barbara Windsor: “That’s what I love about you Barbara, you're one of us... You're like a big film star, but you’re still common as muck!” Caroline Aherne was proud of being just that. A working class girl from a Manchester council estate, her humour was based on observing everyday life. She still ate chips and gravy when I knew her, and loved watching shows like Trisha and Jeremy Kyle. When Caroline invited me on the Mrs Merton show, I expected to get monstered but she gave me the kid gloves treatment and afterwards we drank a lot and talked about punk, comedy and New Order. Her sitcom, The Royle Family, co-written with Craig Cash was inspired by her own loving but bickering family. Dad Bert was an alcoholic, mum Maureen an Irish immigrant. She liked a drink, too much as she later acknowledged, and hated fame. She first quit TV in 2001 but was always drawn back, most recently as the voice of Googlebox. Caroline started her career as a character comedian, a nun called Sister Mary Immaculate. Not everything she wrote was a success – we fell out when I panned her Mrs Merton & Malcolm sitcom. But she had a rare wit and a brilliant way with words. She will be sorely missed.
Caroline on me: “Garry Bushell: incisive wit or bearded buffoon, no-one dares say.”
July 1. Post-Brexit, our major parties are in disarray. In a move straight out of House Of Cards, Michael Gove has stabbed Boris in the back and forced the Tories’ most electable and charismatic candidate out of their leadership race. As a disastrous result, the frontrunner to lead the Conservative Party is now Theresa May – a “reluctant” Remainer who bottled the Brexit debate and is strongly associated with their Blairite (i.e. non-Conservative) wing. Meanwhile Labour MPs are seeking to oust Corbyn, the stealth Brexiteer, and replace him with some pygmy from the Remain camp. It seems the political establishment are out to subvert the democratic will of the people and overturn the Referendum result. Gove can’t possibly become Tory leader, which makes Andrea Leadsom the common sense candidate (what a shame Dan Hannan isn’t in the running). I can’t see a decent down-to-earth Labour hopeful. Anna (The) Eagle, another Remainer, was appalling during the TV debates. The party seems intent on self-destruction. Where have all the grown-ups gone?